LOL, I was doing all the steps here - I ended up doing the unpairing/repairing steps from the "given by Surjeet" answer. It didn't work, and then I noticed that when I clicked the "connect via network" button, the same yellow box would pop up that pops up when you repair, saying "busy" - I got frustrated and just started hammering the "connect via network" button, clicking it quickly for probably like 15 - 20 clicks - it started spazzing out, but eventually landed on being able to connect to the network. Before that worked, I also shut my wifi off and turned it on again, as suggested by one of these answers, but clicking the "connect via network" button really fast did the trick...LOL
Also, before I hammered the button, I linked the device support folders, although I'm not sure if it did anything:
open the terminal
cd /Applications/Xcode.app/Contents/Developer/Platforms/iPhoneOS.platform/DeviceSupport
ln -s 13.3 13.4
ls -l 13.4
restart Xcode and retry run on device
Said to do it here - https://forums.developer.apple.com/thread/126940 - I edited the folder version in my comment to adjust to the latest version of iOS 13.4.
EDIT
I believe I figured out what my problem was, I had to stop my Little Snitch
network filter. Also, after I was able to connect by hammering the button, the "connect via IP address" option appeared in the dropdown when you right click on the device in the devices manager in xcode, it wasn't there before I was able to connect ultra-hacky style the first time. If I connect, and then turn my network filter on, it disconnects my phone.