Here's something I've just knocked up. It inspects the environment of the last-launched "gnome-session" process (DISPLAY is set correctly when VNC launches a session/window manager). Replace "gnome-session" with the name of whatever process your VNC server launches on startup.
PID=`pgrep -n -u $USER gnome-session`
if [ -n "$PID" ]; then
export DISPLAY=`awk 'BEGIN{FS="="; RS="\0"} $1=="DISPLAY" {print $2; exit}' /proc/$PID/environ`
echo "DISPLAY set to $DISPLAY"
else
echo "Could not set DISPLAY"
fi
unset PID
You should just be able to drop that in your .bashrc file.