I love the answer from @Bert F but this is the way my brain sees it.
I have an X in my hand. If I want to write my X into a List, that List needs to be either a List of X or a List of things that my X can be upcast to as I write them in i.e. any superclass of X...
List<? super X>
If I get a List and I want to read an X out of that List, that better be a List of X or a List of things that can be upcast to X as I read them out, i.e. anything that extends X
List<? extends X>
Hope this helps.